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Facing refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, giving a firm “Nope.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began pitching story ideas five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had several works rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless short stories. In the last score of years, concentrating on personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I get a setback frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and others has rejected me. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, a publication turned down 20 articles one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors declined my manuscript before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would they be blind to my ability?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (often mixed with false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in good fellowship. Tales of authors whose work was initially rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his high school basketball team. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost campaigns. Sylvester Stallone says that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were declined repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my later years, I entered the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why someone says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have one in progress, or just be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the market for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and read my submission hastily to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are within it. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, especially dashes, was offensive.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a personal story, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. These works have featured in newspapers big and little, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary appeared when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, admittedly modest successes have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be educational, but when you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What teachings have I learned?

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